been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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