Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
