After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
