I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
