he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
