omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
