hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
