If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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