New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
