ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
