so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
