I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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