I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
