You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
