I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
