somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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