I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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