I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize