yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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