the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
