Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
