hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
