Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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