Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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