are you so shy because you have an std?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
