i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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