is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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