O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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