You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
