nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize