I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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