I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh god it's open bar.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
