we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
