We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
