a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
