i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
