Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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