i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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