Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
