I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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