woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
