our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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