I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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