hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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