He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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