I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
