Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
