Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
