I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
