Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
