kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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