Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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