I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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