I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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