Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize