i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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