You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
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