3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
