he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm at about main and main street
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
