I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
