I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
