Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I wear drunk well.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
