"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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