Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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