Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You pole danced in your parka.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
