I have demons in me.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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