I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
