it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
