so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize