ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
