check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
