She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
