all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
