So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
