Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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