im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
