This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
