Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
