I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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