my shit smells like andre
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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