Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
