if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
