I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
