What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
