For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
