and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize