was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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