Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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