My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm really busy with my period
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