so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
be right there i have to get my cape
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
